do vampires just use their teeth to make a puncture wound and then suck, or are their fangs like a straw
i havent slept in three days
i remember one time the simpsons made a joke about fox news and they got so insulted they tried to sue them but the court was like “this aired on ur network u can’t sue urself”
my favorite college experience is when i had a 7am class and the kid next to me literally poured a monster energy drink into his coffee said “i’m going to die” and drank the whole thing
I can’t see my bed or my floor
I already feel better though cause i’ve gotten rid of so much stuff including two plastic drawer set things so even though there is crap everywhere there is so much less than before
im glad the rock became a wrestler and actor because he graduated with a degree in criminology. he would have been the worlds most electrifying man in law enforcement. we would not be able to stop him
"We’re preparing you for the real world"
I don’t meant to alarm you but
the real world has calculators
fun fact: the reason that the plural of goose is geese but the plural of moose is not meese is because goose derives from an ancient germanic word undergoing strong declension, in the pattern of foot/feet and tooth/teeth, wherein oo is mutated to ee. however ‘moose’ is a native american word added to the english lexicon only ~400 years ago, and lacks the etymological reason to be pluralized in that way.
Oh baby. Keep talking dirty to me.
me: aw yeah give it to me raw baby
guy: are u sure?
me: fuck yeah give it to me RAW
guy: i don’t want you to wake up with salmonella poisoning
me: okay give me the steak medium-well then
guy: alright have a nice night sir, enjoy your dinner